Random excerpts from various unfinished, finished, published and unpublished pieces of fiction and other literary efforts.
The Black Abyss – 1989
‘The point is …’ Nicky was struggling to find the words, expressing her feelings had never been her strong suit. ‘The point is … I love you.’ There. The words were out, the anguished, choking tone with which they were delivered accentuated her desperate honesty. The look on Sam’s face was not what she was expecting, they betrayed feelings of surprise and shock. A deafening silence followed, during which they both avoided eye contact, for a few seconds, which felt like minutes.
‘You know I love you too Nic.’ Sam broke the silence and eye contact was reestablished. The words said one thing, but the eyes were saying something else. There was no glimmer of reciprocated emotion, just an apologetic sadness. Nicky always had that nagging doubt, an inner fear that their relationship, the one she had thrown her heart and soul into was always destined to be a one-sided, temporary arrangement. A fling, a game, an experiment. She had been right.
She shook her head, feeling used and mislead, but she only had herself to blame for allowing it to happen, again. Determined not to cry in front of Sam, she said
‘But not in the same way as I love you?’
And got up to put on her jacket. Opening the front door noiselessly, she heard Sam say I’m really sorry Nic I didn’t mean to … then slammed it behind her, which gave her a degree of satisfaction.
As she walked briskly up the street in the fading light, it began to drizzle and, not for the first time, she heard her mother’s voice ringing in her ears ‘Life is difficult enough Nicola … without being gay.’