I wore my heart on my sleeve for Tuesday’s blog, Sunflowers. After I wrote it, I looked back at my year to date and considered it to be my annus horribilis. Then with gritted teeth, I started the grieving process.
In some ways I could, just about, get my head around losing such an important figure in my life, given that illness had blighted her last few years. Life so often has a tendency to turn around to bite individuals who have lived good and honest lives, when they are hit with some ghastly disease. So, in this case, I knew it was coming, it was just a question of when. It wouldn’t make it any less painful when the inevitable happened, but I knew this ray of sunshine in my life would finally cease to shine.
Bad things happen in threes don’t they? So that would be it for it for me. Three bad things for 2015. A health issue, a kick in the teeth and now coping with the loss of a key person in my life. My bad karma. Bad things happen in threes don’t they? Do they bullshit! Less than 24 hours later, history repeated itself and all too close to home again. This time, out of the blue. Totally unexpected. Totally unreal. Totally devastating. Another key person in my life, taken, but without warning.
Grief makes you angry. Grief makes you numb. Grief makes you feel nauseous. Grief makes you eyeball life and demand answers.
So yesterday, like Tuesday, happened in slow motion, in a fog, my mind everywhere; totally unfocused. My heart raw and devoid of feeling but you need to grieve, it is part of the healing process.
And … re-reading this post 18 months on … the grieving process is a long one, but you will find that the sun will shine in your heart again.